What I am about to write is scary. It is admitting I have faults. It is showing the social media world that my life is not perfect and I have faced some of the greatest turmoil this year you can possibly imagine. I feel like every one of my insecurities have been thrown in my face this year.
There have been times this year when I am minding my own business and then...BAM something out of nowhere comes at me full force. If you know my true heart then you know that all I want to do is to help people. Sometimes I can be in your face about it ( I am working on that) but my intentions are pure. I have known since I was 6 that I wanted to be in education. I never once wavered from it. Being an educator is not just a job but it is a huge part of who I am. So to be attacked over the last 5 months the way I have been attacked is hurting me to my core. Now I am not saying I have been perfect and innocent in every situation this year. I have my own faults that I have to work on. We all do. But what I am talking about goes beyond that. There are some things that have happened this year that do not make logical sense...at all. As I sit and think about these things I am still in shock. I don't know where they have come from and honestly why I have been dragged into it.
Through each situation I have picked myself back up , dusted myself off, and I go back in head first. But can I be honest? Getting back up started to become slower and slower. There are times that I just lay there. I stare at the ceiling and ask myself, "How much more can I take?". I tell myself, "just a little bit more." I drag myself up. Place my legs under the weight of my body, and drag my feet. This type of behavior makes it pretty easy to get knocked down again. It doesn't take much at all actually. What used to bounce right off of me, now throws me down to the ground like wrestlers in a WWE match.
I've had glimmers of hope of the last few weeks. I tell myself I can do this. I am strong. I hear the Rocky music playing and I am pumped up! During these times I feel like I am back to my old self. I am ready to face whatever is thrown my way. Then BAM out of no where comes a whole new set of issues or insecurities. Something I have to deal with that I have never dealt with before....AGAIN. Look I am all about being exposed to new things and challenges but this is getting ridiculous.
I know I am not the only one out there that has dealt with this. I know I am not the only one that feels like they are 2.3 seconds awaits from being admitted to the looney bin. I am going to tell you right now YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You don't have to admit it to anyone but I am going to admit it you. I hope through this post people don't think either A) man she crazy. Watch out for that one, or B) man she crazy. Watch out for that one. That's pretty much it. Just don't think I am crazy because folks we have all been here. We struggle through these challenges and often times feel alone, because not many people are willing to admit it. Seeing someone who is struggling but coming out victorious on the other side gives others who are going through the same thing hope. Hope that they can also persevere and come out stronger on the other side.
Every educator goes through trials where they ask themselves, "Can I get through this?" The answer is an overwhelming YES! Yes you can! Being an educator is one of the most rewarding jobs you can have. I have LOVED being an educator for the last 13 years. Even when I go through a year like this year. I have never regretted my decision to become an educator and I have no plans of ever leaving the profession.
So how do we get through these trials that hit us at our core?
We surrond ourselves with other educators who get it. Educators who will admit their struggles and who are there to help you ( and you them) to get through these tough times. Surround yourself with genuine people who lift you up. One bit of caution though. When you are going through a tough time it is very easy to become a Debbie Downer. I am guilty of that this year. I would like to say that I was able to stand strong against adversity with my hands on my hips and my cape flying in the wind. But then I would be a big fat liar. It is very easy to have a vent session. (aka gripe session). When you are facing adversity find people in your PLN that you can talk to and can help you work through the trials you are facing. Not just "venting" about them. Trust me this is a much more productive way when you are facing tough situations. I have been the Debbie Downer. No one wants to deal with a Debbie Downer. You can do this by making a commitment to find a solution to your struggles. Don't just stay in the struggle.
You have to remember something... You are a beautiful gift from God and He made you unique. Every awesome and yes every dorky quality about you is a gift from Him. ( I say dorky with the upmost most love because I am a self proclaimed dork)
Don't forget who you are even in the face of trials you want no part of. They are there and they won't just disappear. Surround yourself with people you can rely on. You've got this. You can get through any trials you are currently facing or will face in the future. The kids are worth it. You are worth it.
To close out I would like to say that I have found my strength again. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth it. I want to personally thank my own PLN who have helped me through these tough times. You know who you are and I will always treasure your kindness and friendship through out my own personal trials.
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