Facing Trials

What I am about to write is scary. It is admitting I have faults. It is showing the social media world that my life is not perfect and I have faced some of the greatest turmoil this year you can possibly imagine. I feel like every one of my insecurities have been thrown in my face this year.

There have been times this year when I am minding my own business and then...BAM something out of nowhere comes at me full force. If you know my true heart then you know that all I want to do is to help people. Sometimes I can be in your face about it ( I am working on that) but my intentions are pure. I have known since I was 6 that I wanted to be in education. I never once wavered from it. Being an educator is not just a job but it is a huge part of who I am. So to be attacked over the last 5 months the way I have been attacked is hurting me to my core. Now I am not saying I have been perfect and innocent in every situation this year. I have my own faults that I have to work on. We all do. But what I am talking about goes beyond that. There are some things  that have happened this year that do not make logical sense...at all. As I sit and think about these things I am still in shock. I don't know where they have come from and honestly why I have been dragged into it.

Through each situation I have picked myself back up , dusted myself off, and I go back in head first. But can I be honest? Getting back up started to become slower and slower. There are times that I just lay there. I stare at the ceiling and ask myself, "How much more can I take?". I tell myself, "just a little bit more." I drag myself up. Place my legs under the weight of my body, and drag my feet. This type of behavior makes it pretty easy to get knocked down again. It doesn't take much at all actually. What used to bounce right off of me, now throws me down to the ground like wrestlers in a WWE match.

 I've had glimmers of hope of the last few weeks. I tell myself I can do this. I am strong. I hear the Rocky music playing and I am pumped up! During these times I feel like I am back to my old self. I am ready to face whatever is thrown my way. Then BAM out of no where comes a whole new set of issues or insecurities. Something I have to deal with that I have never dealt with before....AGAIN. Look I am all about being exposed to new things and challenges but this is getting ridiculous.

I know I am not the only one out there that has dealt with this. I know I am not the only one that feels like they are 2.3 seconds awaits from being admitted to the looney bin. I am going to tell you right now YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You don't have to admit it to anyone but I am going to admit it you. I hope through this post people don't think either A) man she crazy. Watch out for that one, or B) man she crazy. Watch out for that one. That's pretty much it. Just don't think I am crazy because folks we have all been here. We struggle through these challenges and often times feel alone, because not many people are willing to admit it. Seeing someone who is struggling but coming out victorious on the other side gives others who are going through the same thing hope. Hope that they can also persevere and come out stronger on the other side.

Every educator goes through trials where they ask themselves, "Can I get through this?" The answer is an overwhelming YES! Yes you can! Being an educator is one of the most rewarding jobs you can have. I have LOVED being an educator for the last 13 years. Even when I go through a year like this year. I have never regretted my decision to become an educator and I have no plans of ever leaving the profession.

So how do we get through these trials that hit us at our core?

We surrond ourselves with other educators who get it. Educators who will admit their struggles and who are there to help you ( and you them) to get through these tough times. Surround yourself with genuine people who lift you up. One bit of caution though. When you are going through a tough time it is very easy to become a Debbie Downer. I  am guilty of that this year. I would like to say that I was able to stand strong against adversity with my hands on my hips and my cape flying in the wind. But then I would be a big fat liar. It is very easy to have a vent session. (aka gripe session). When you are facing adversity find people in your PLN that you can talk to and can help you work through the trials you are facing. Not just "venting" about them. Trust me this is a much more productive way when you are facing tough situations. I have been the Debbie Downer. No one wants to deal with a Debbie Downer. You can do this by making a commitment to find a solution to your struggles. Don't just stay in the struggle.

You have to remember something... You are a beautiful gift from God and He made you unique. Every awesome and yes every dorky quality about you is a gift from Him. ( I say dorky with the upmost most love because I am a self proclaimed dork)

Don't forget who you are even in the face of trials you want no part of. They are there and they won't just disappear. Surround yourself with people you can rely on. You've got this.  You can get through any trials you are currently facing or will face in the future. The kids are worth it. You are worth it.

To close out I would like to say that I have found my strength again. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth it. I want to personally thank my own PLN who have helped me through these tough times. You know who you are and I will always treasure your kindness and friendship through out my own personal trials.

Social Media- It's a Funny Thing

Social Media is a funny thing. It can connect you with people all over the world. You can build relationships with other people you have never met. Some of my most supportive educator friends are people I have never met, or have only met once or twice. I can call them on the phone and talk about my day. We celebrate together. We cry together. When I was going through a really rough patch this year I was able to call on people that I met through social media to get through these tough times. I am grateful for social media and the relationships I have built.

Social Media can also be extremely confusing. I didn't start my Principal Teacher social media accounts until 2 years ago. When I first started this blog, along with my twitter and Instagram accounts,I was amazed how quickly my PLN grew. I was building relationships with some of the best and brightest educators out there. I was learning so much from them. 

But then I did something I never thought I would ever do. I feel into the social media trap of COMPARISON. I started comparing myself to other educators. I quickly lost sight of the strengths I have and forgot my natural gifts. I thought I needed to go to every conference. Be a part of every group. Be an expert on all things education. If I didn't live up to these unrealistic expectations then there was something wrong with me. I started questioning if I really was any good as an educator. It got so bad that I started to drive away other people. I burned bridges. Not intentionally of course. I still feel guilty about letting people down. I wanted to be everything to everyone, but  I was being nothing to everyone. I lost sight of who I was. I wasn't keeping my word, which is not like me, and it wasn't intentional. I committed to everything, but I wasn't really able to commit to anything.

For the last month or so I took a step back from my social media accounts. I posted once in a while, but I haven't been near as active as I usually am. I took this time and asked myself who am I as a person? What are my strengths as an educator? What is that I want to focus on? (which I had to remind myself it can't be everything).

It took me a long time to remember who I was, because I have compared myself to so many people for so long. I thought I wasn't good enough and I needed to be "fixed" that I seriously forgot my genuine self. 

So here it is. My name is Staci. I love people. I am a natural fixer. I want to help everyone anyway I can. I am full of energy. I go nonstop. I am silly. I don't take myself or life too seriously. I love to laugh. I love adventure. I love to travel and I am spontaneous. I am bold and go for what I want.  I am a teacher. I am actually a really great teacher. I am a rockstar when it comes to student growth. I have the scores to back it up.  I have a great work ethic when it is something I am passionate about. I don't like the mundane. I am a dreamer. I am one of the most resilient people you will meet. Let's sit down and talk about my life story and you will know why. I always pick myself up, dust myself off, and go back in head first. I am stubborn. I am loud.  I can be a little much for people. I am the life of the party. I love taking risks. I am ME.

Social media is a great tool to connect with other educators. Just don't fall into the trap that I fell into. Don't compare yourself to others. Know who you are and don't apologize for it. You are amazing. You are beautiful and you have unique gifts to offer others out there. Don't try to be like everyone else. BE YOU!