I am excited to share that I am going back to teaching! I am also excited to share that I will be teaching at the junior high! I taught 5th grade math for 10 years and I have always wanted to teach junior high but I never made the leap. I will be teaching 6th-8th math as an interventionist and I will also be an instructional coach.
This decision was not easy. I flip flopped many times before I made this decision. I absolutely love my current school. The teachers are wonderful and I love my daily hugs from the 1st-3rd graders. I love it when they tell me I look like a princess and smell like candy. I mean how can it get much better than that? They sure do know how to make someone feel great about themselves! I love when the students come and find me to tell me what book they are reading or how they aced their math test. I also love the teachers I get to serve on a daily basis. They are some of the kindest and hardworking teachers you will find. They truly understand what it means to put kids first.
So why the change?
First, I have known that I wanted to teach since I was 6 years old. For the last 3 years as an AP I have yearned to teach. I miss it every day. I thought as each year went by it would get easier to not teach, but in reality it has only gotten harder.
Second, I have a strong passion for curriculum and instruction. I LOVE digging into the standards to see how we can creatively teach them to our students. I love creating new units and lesson that are fun and exciting. I love taking the standards that students hate the most and find ways to make it interesting. As an administrator I can do this to a certain level but not near as much as I would like due to all of the other responsibilities I have.
My new position will allow me to not only teach but it will also allows me to work with curriculum and instruction regularly.
Many people I have came across have a hard time understanding why I want to teach again. Some have said it is a step backwards or a step down. Others have also lovingly told people, who aren't me, I must have messed up and was reassigned because why else would I take a pay cut? (heavy sarcasm on the word "lovingly"). I am taking a pay cut, but I am certainly not taking a step backwards or a step down. How can working with students ever be a step backwards or down? I am doing this because teaching and curriculum/instruction is where my heart is. It's what I have been passionate about since I was 6 years old. I have to follow my heart.
I am excited about my new role and I will miss my current campus terribly. However, I am also excited to get to know, work with, and learn from a whole new group of educators.
I also can't wait to share what I will be doing in my new classroom. I have already begun harassing my new principal about my new classroom and when I can get in. Yep I am one of those teachers. I own it! I am just so excited to start this new adventure! So here is to finishing this year strong and for new adventures next year!
Facing Trials
What I am about to write is scary. It is admitting I have faults. It is showing the social media world that my life is not perfect and I have faced some of the greatest turmoil this year you can possibly imagine. I feel like every one of my insecurities have been thrown in my face this year.
There have been times this year when I am minding my own business and then...BAM something out of nowhere comes at me full force. If you know my true heart then you know that all I want to do is to help people. Sometimes I can be in your face about it ( I am working on that) but my intentions are pure. I have known since I was 6 that I wanted to be in education. I never once wavered from it. Being an educator is not just a job but it is a huge part of who I am. So to be attacked over the last 5 months the way I have been attacked is hurting me to my core. Now I am not saying I have been perfect and innocent in every situation this year. I have my own faults that I have to work on. We all do. But what I am talking about goes beyond that. There are some things that have happened this year that do not make logical sense...at all. As I sit and think about these things I am still in shock. I don't know where they have come from and honestly why I have been dragged into it.
Through each situation I have picked myself back up , dusted myself off, and I go back in head first. But can I be honest? Getting back up started to become slower and slower. There are times that I just lay there. I stare at the ceiling and ask myself, "How much more can I take?". I tell myself, "just a little bit more." I drag myself up. Place my legs under the weight of my body, and drag my feet. This type of behavior makes it pretty easy to get knocked down again. It doesn't take much at all actually. What used to bounce right off of me, now throws me down to the ground like wrestlers in a WWE match.
I've had glimmers of hope of the last few weeks. I tell myself I can do this. I am strong. I hear the Rocky music playing and I am pumped up! During these times I feel like I am back to my old self. I am ready to face whatever is thrown my way. Then BAM out of no where comes a whole new set of issues or insecurities. Something I have to deal with that I have never dealt with before....AGAIN. Look I am all about being exposed to new things and challenges but this is getting ridiculous.
I know I am not the only one out there that has dealt with this. I know I am not the only one that feels like they are 2.3 seconds awaits from being admitted to the looney bin. I am going to tell you right now YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You don't have to admit it to anyone but I am going to admit it you. I hope through this post people don't think either A) man she crazy. Watch out for that one, or B) man she crazy. Watch out for that one. That's pretty much it. Just don't think I am crazy because folks we have all been here. We struggle through these challenges and often times feel alone, because not many people are willing to admit it. Seeing someone who is struggling but coming out victorious on the other side gives others who are going through the same thing hope. Hope that they can also persevere and come out stronger on the other side.
Every educator goes through trials where they ask themselves, "Can I get through this?" The answer is an overwhelming YES! Yes you can! Being an educator is one of the most rewarding jobs you can have. I have LOVED being an educator for the last 13 years. Even when I go through a year like this year. I have never regretted my decision to become an educator and I have no plans of ever leaving the profession.
So how do we get through these trials that hit us at our core?
We surrond ourselves with other educators who get it. Educators who will admit their struggles and who are there to help you ( and you them) to get through these tough times. Surround yourself with genuine people who lift you up. One bit of caution though. When you are going through a tough time it is very easy to become a Debbie Downer. I am guilty of that this year. I would like to say that I was able to stand strong against adversity with my hands on my hips and my cape flying in the wind. But then I would be a big fat liar. It is very easy to have a vent session. (aka gripe session). When you are facing adversity find people in your PLN that you can talk to and can help you work through the trials you are facing. Not just "venting" about them. Trust me this is a much more productive way when you are facing tough situations. I have been the Debbie Downer. No one wants to deal with a Debbie Downer. You can do this by making a commitment to find a solution to your struggles. Don't just stay in the struggle.
You have to remember something... You are a beautiful gift from God and He made you unique. Every awesome and yes every dorky quality about you is a gift from Him. ( I say dorky with the upmost most love because I am a self proclaimed dork)
Don't forget who you are even in the face of trials you want no part of. They are there and they won't just disappear. Surround yourself with people you can rely on. You've got this. You can get through any trials you are currently facing or will face in the future. The kids are worth it. You are worth it.
To close out I would like to say that I have found my strength again. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth it. I want to personally thank my own PLN who have helped me through these tough times. You know who you are and I will always treasure your kindness and friendship through out my own personal trials.
There have been times this year when I am minding my own business and then...BAM something out of nowhere comes at me full force. If you know my true heart then you know that all I want to do is to help people. Sometimes I can be in your face about it ( I am working on that) but my intentions are pure. I have known since I was 6 that I wanted to be in education. I never once wavered from it. Being an educator is not just a job but it is a huge part of who I am. So to be attacked over the last 5 months the way I have been attacked is hurting me to my core. Now I am not saying I have been perfect and innocent in every situation this year. I have my own faults that I have to work on. We all do. But what I am talking about goes beyond that. There are some things that have happened this year that do not make logical sense...at all. As I sit and think about these things I am still in shock. I don't know where they have come from and honestly why I have been dragged into it.
Through each situation I have picked myself back up , dusted myself off, and I go back in head first. But can I be honest? Getting back up started to become slower and slower. There are times that I just lay there. I stare at the ceiling and ask myself, "How much more can I take?". I tell myself, "just a little bit more." I drag myself up. Place my legs under the weight of my body, and drag my feet. This type of behavior makes it pretty easy to get knocked down again. It doesn't take much at all actually. What used to bounce right off of me, now throws me down to the ground like wrestlers in a WWE match.
I've had glimmers of hope of the last few weeks. I tell myself I can do this. I am strong. I hear the Rocky music playing and I am pumped up! During these times I feel like I am back to my old self. I am ready to face whatever is thrown my way. Then BAM out of no where comes a whole new set of issues or insecurities. Something I have to deal with that I have never dealt with before....AGAIN. Look I am all about being exposed to new things and challenges but this is getting ridiculous.
I know I am not the only one out there that has dealt with this. I know I am not the only one that feels like they are 2.3 seconds awaits from being admitted to the looney bin. I am going to tell you right now YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You don't have to admit it to anyone but I am going to admit it you. I hope through this post people don't think either A) man she crazy. Watch out for that one, or B) man she crazy. Watch out for that one. That's pretty much it. Just don't think I am crazy because folks we have all been here. We struggle through these challenges and often times feel alone, because not many people are willing to admit it. Seeing someone who is struggling but coming out victorious on the other side gives others who are going through the same thing hope. Hope that they can also persevere and come out stronger on the other side.
Every educator goes through trials where they ask themselves, "Can I get through this?" The answer is an overwhelming YES! Yes you can! Being an educator is one of the most rewarding jobs you can have. I have LOVED being an educator for the last 13 years. Even when I go through a year like this year. I have never regretted my decision to become an educator and I have no plans of ever leaving the profession.
So how do we get through these trials that hit us at our core?
We surrond ourselves with other educators who get it. Educators who will admit their struggles and who are there to help you ( and you them) to get through these tough times. Surround yourself with genuine people who lift you up. One bit of caution though. When you are going through a tough time it is very easy to become a Debbie Downer. I am guilty of that this year. I would like to say that I was able to stand strong against adversity with my hands on my hips and my cape flying in the wind. But then I would be a big fat liar. It is very easy to have a vent session. (aka gripe session). When you are facing adversity find people in your PLN that you can talk to and can help you work through the trials you are facing. Not just "venting" about them. Trust me this is a much more productive way when you are facing tough situations. I have been the Debbie Downer. No one wants to deal with a Debbie Downer. You can do this by making a commitment to find a solution to your struggles. Don't just stay in the struggle.
You have to remember something... You are a beautiful gift from God and He made you unique. Every awesome and yes every dorky quality about you is a gift from Him. ( I say dorky with the upmost most love because I am a self proclaimed dork)
Don't forget who you are even in the face of trials you want no part of. They are there and they won't just disappear. Surround yourself with people you can rely on. You've got this. You can get through any trials you are currently facing or will face in the future. The kids are worth it. You are worth it.
To close out I would like to say that I have found my strength again. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth it. I want to personally thank my own PLN who have helped me through these tough times. You know who you are and I will always treasure your kindness and friendship through out my own personal trials.
Social Media- It's a Funny Thing
Social Media is a funny thing. It can connect you with people all over the world. You can build relationships with other people you have never met. Some of my most supportive educator friends are people I have never met, or have only met once or twice. I can call them on the phone and talk about my day. We celebrate together. We cry together. When I was going through a really rough patch this year I was able to call on people that I met through social media to get through these tough times. I am grateful for social media and the relationships I have built.
Social Media can also be extremely confusing. I didn't start my Principal Teacher social media accounts until 2 years ago. When I first started this blog, along with my twitter and Instagram accounts,I was amazed how quickly my PLN grew. I was building relationships with some of the best and brightest educators out there. I was learning so much from them.
But then I did something I never thought I would ever do. I feel into the social media trap of COMPARISON. I started comparing myself to other educators. I quickly lost sight of the strengths I have and forgot my natural gifts. I thought I needed to go to every conference. Be a part of every group. Be an expert on all things education. If I didn't live up to these unrealistic expectations then there was something wrong with me. I started questioning if I really was any good as an educator. It got so bad that I started to drive away other people. I burned bridges. Not intentionally of course. I still feel guilty about letting people down. I wanted to be everything to everyone, but I was being nothing to everyone. I lost sight of who I was. I wasn't keeping my word, which is not like me, and it wasn't intentional. I committed to everything, but I wasn't really able to commit to anything.
For the last month or so I took a step back from my social media accounts. I posted once in a while, but I haven't been near as active as I usually am. I took this time and asked myself who am I as a person? What are my strengths as an educator? What is that I want to focus on? (which I had to remind myself it can't be everything).
It took me a long time to remember who I was, because I have compared myself to so many people for so long. I thought I wasn't good enough and I needed to be "fixed" that I seriously forgot my genuine self.
It took me a long time to remember who I was, because I have compared myself to so many people for so long. I thought I wasn't good enough and I needed to be "fixed" that I seriously forgot my genuine self.
So here it is. My name is Staci. I love people. I am a natural fixer. I want to help everyone anyway I can. I am full of energy. I go nonstop. I am silly. I don't take myself or life too seriously. I love to laugh. I love adventure. I love to travel and I am spontaneous. I am bold and go for what I want. I am a teacher. I am actually a really great teacher. I am a rockstar when it comes to student growth. I have the scores to back it up. I have a great work ethic when it is something I am passionate about. I don't like the mundane. I am a dreamer. I am one of the most resilient people you will meet. Let's sit down and talk about my life story and you will know why. I always pick myself up, dust myself off, and go back in head first. I am stubborn. I am loud. I can be a little much for people. I am the life of the party. I love taking risks. I am ME.
Social media is a great tool to connect with other educators. Just don't fall into the trap that I fell into. Don't compare yourself to others. Know who you are and don't apologize for it. You are amazing. You are beautiful and you have unique gifts to offer others out there. Don't try to be like everyone else. BE YOU!
Social media is a great tool to connect with other educators. Just don't fall into the trap that I fell into. Don't compare yourself to others. Know who you are and don't apologize for it. You are amazing. You are beautiful and you have unique gifts to offer others out there. Don't try to be like everyone else. BE YOU!
2018 One Word- Relationships and Committment
I tossed around a couple of ideas about what I wanted my one word for 2018 to be. I couldn't pick just one word so I picked two. My "One" word for 2018 is Relationships and Commitment.
This is one of my favorite quotes from Kayla Delzer of Top Dog Teaching. I have seen it several times before, but it really spoke to me this afternoon.
The Back Story
I lost my BIL in a horrible motorcycle accident in 2016. He was only 20 years old. He was so talented and confident and he was going places. His death shook me to my core. He had so much life to live. He was passionate and nothing was going to stop him from realizing his dreams. Several months after his death I vowed I would not waste a minute of my life. I was going to pursue my dreams and I was going to make them happen. Well...that's good and all but I tried to do it all in a year. I wanted to attend every conference, present at every conference, do a TedxTalk, write a book, etc. I wanted to do everything at the end of 2016 and most of 2017 that people spend YEARS working towards.
Some might be thinking, "Well, what's wrong with that? Sounds like she is just motivated and driven." While this is true, I risked relationships through the process. I had blinders on. I said yes to things that I wasn't even sure I could make happen. I often said, "I will figure it out." That works for a short time, but eventually it starts catching up with you. Some of the relationships I strained I was able to repair and some of these relationships I wasn't. As I sit here and type this, I still have guilt over the fact I let people down. Our word is everything. It builds trusts and building trust is what leads to genuine relationships. When I had to back out of something because of my over commitment it broke down those relationships.
I have learned in 2017 that relationships are one of the things I value most and is something that we have to work hard to maintain. This means in 2018 I am only committing to things that I know I can make happen. I have committed to #kindness180 which you can read about here. I have committed to spreading awareness about live organ donation. (I was able to donate a kidney in September. Best decision I have ever made) I have also committed to writing ONE book. Other than that, I am going to continue to build and strengthen relationships with those around me.
2017 was definitely a learning experience, just like every year should be. Remember, opportunities are always going to be there. You don't have to do it all at once.Take time to follow your dreams but not at the risk of destroying relationships.
Visit Kayla on Twitter and Instagram at @topdogteaching or @happygoteach
This is one of my favorite quotes from Kayla Delzer of Top Dog Teaching. I have seen it several times before, but it really spoke to me this afternoon.
The Back Story
I lost my BIL in a horrible motorcycle accident in 2016. He was only 20 years old. He was so talented and confident and he was going places. His death shook me to my core. He had so much life to live. He was passionate and nothing was going to stop him from realizing his dreams. Several months after his death I vowed I would not waste a minute of my life. I was going to pursue my dreams and I was going to make them happen. Well...that's good and all but I tried to do it all in a year. I wanted to attend every conference, present at every conference, do a TedxTalk, write a book, etc. I wanted to do everything at the end of 2016 and most of 2017 that people spend YEARS working towards.
Some might be thinking, "Well, what's wrong with that? Sounds like she is just motivated and driven." While this is true, I risked relationships through the process. I had blinders on. I said yes to things that I wasn't even sure I could make happen. I often said, "I will figure it out." That works for a short time, but eventually it starts catching up with you. Some of the relationships I strained I was able to repair and some of these relationships I wasn't. As I sit here and type this, I still have guilt over the fact I let people down. Our word is everything. It builds trusts and building trust is what leads to genuine relationships. When I had to back out of something because of my over commitment it broke down those relationships.
I have learned in 2017 that relationships are one of the things I value most and is something that we have to work hard to maintain. This means in 2018 I am only committing to things that I know I can make happen. I have committed to #kindness180 which you can read about here. I have committed to spreading awareness about live organ donation. (I was able to donate a kidney in September. Best decision I have ever made) I have also committed to writing ONE book. Other than that, I am going to continue to build and strengthen relationships with those around me.
2017 was definitely a learning experience, just like every year should be. Remember, opportunities are always going to be there. You don't have to do it all at once.Take time to follow your dreams but not at the risk of destroying relationships.
ME factor
Showing kindness to others is intentional. It is not something we do when we have some extra time, pockets are full, or when we "feel" like it. Let's be honest, there are times in our lives where we just aren't "feeling" it. We don't feel like smiling or saying hello. We don't feel like ignoring the negative comment that was thrown our way, and we have to "vent" so we can feel better about it. We may not feel like giving to someone when our banking accounts are getting a little low. What if we need that extra money for an emergency down the road? We may not feel like taking the time to help a person in need because our schedules are already busy as it is.
Our fast paced world so often focuses on the ME factor. What is best for ME? What can I do for ME? How can I better ME? How is this going to impact ME? Here's the deal. Showing kindness to others is taking a moment to look past ME, see someone who is in need, and helping that person, with no expectation of something in return.
If we are honest with ourselves, we can all have the ME factor from time to time. For the most part, I don't believe it's because we don't care about others and don't want to help. This world is going at a crazy fast pace and most of us feel like there isn't enough for us to give. There is always something we aren't going to have "enough" of that keeps us from showing intentional kindness to someone else. We have to stop using that as an excuse, myself included.
When you show kindness to others it can be a domino effect. Your kind act can lead someone else to do a kind act, which can lead another person to do a kind act, which can lead that person to do a kind act. You get the point.
The world seems like it is falling apart right now. Every time we turn on the news or get onto social media there seems to be another tragedy or act of violence that has occurred. Let's flood social media and the news with the good that is happening! No kind act is too small. Your small act can make a profound impact on someone's life. Let's change this world one kind act at a time.
Our fast paced world so often focuses on the ME factor. What is best for ME? What can I do for ME? How can I better ME? How is this going to impact ME? Here's the deal. Showing kindness to others is taking a moment to look past ME, see someone who is in need, and helping that person, with no expectation of something in return.
If we are honest with ourselves, we can all have the ME factor from time to time. For the most part, I don't believe it's because we don't care about others and don't want to help. This world is going at a crazy fast pace and most of us feel like there isn't enough for us to give. There is always something we aren't going to have "enough" of that keeps us from showing intentional kindness to someone else. We have to stop using that as an excuse, myself included.
When you show kindness to others it can be a domino effect. Your kind act can lead someone else to do a kind act, which can lead another person to do a kind act, which can lead that person to do a kind act. You get the point.
The world seems like it is falling apart right now. Every time we turn on the news or get onto social media there seems to be another tragedy or act of violence that has occurred. Let's flood social media and the news with the good that is happening! No kind act is too small. Your small act can make a profound impact on someone's life. Let's change this world one kind act at a time.
Birth of Kindness180
The first Star Wars movie was released 40 years ago in 1977. Since then people all over the world have been geeking out over the Star Wars movies. We dress up as Star War characters for Halloween, movie openings, parties, or for my kids, just because it is a sunny day. You don't really need a reason to dress up for Star Wars.
(Oh and those who make fun of Star Wars, we are onto you. We know there is at least one character you can relate with. Stop fighting it and embrace your inner geek. You can do it.)
I have seen every Star Wars movie, and my absolute favorite movie is The Force Awakens. I love seeing Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher on the big screen together again. I also love seeing Chewbacca in the new movie. who is that loyal and brave friend who is straight up cool. Chewy (still Chewbacca for the non Star War fans) doesn't take anything from anyone. He is kind, but will take care of business when needed. #belikechewy
My personal FAVORITE character from Star Wars is Rey from The Force Awakens.
Each person in the theater had a theory on who her parents were and why she was abandoned. Why do you think this was so important to everyone who watched the movie to know who her parents were?
We all have a strong desire to know where we come from and we yearn to have that strong connection and bond from both of our parents. To fathom a parent would abandon their child for whatever reason is hard for people to understand. They want answers. They want to know why. What caused them to make the decision to leave their children? Whatever the reason, it can cause wounds that are deep and hard to overcome.
First, I noticed she has a hard time accepting help from others. When Finn tried to help her escape he grabbed her hand and she immediately jerked it away from him. For most of her life she has had to be self reliant. She feels she can't depend on those around her to take care of her. She has to take of herself.
I also noticed that Rey was a protector for those around her. BB8 was captured and being mistreated and she immediately came to his rescue. This is actually a common trait for many people who have been abandoned. They have felt first hand the fear and pain that comes with rejection and often times do not want others to feel this same pain.
I noticed these subtleties because Rey is me in a lot of ways. At a very young age I as abandoned by my biological father. Just like Rey I waited for him to come back. I held onto hope that one day he would decide that he would want me and my sisters and he would finally come back for us.
* Before I go on I do have to say that I had a wonderful step-dad who loved me like his own. He helped raised me and was a wonderful father. However, knowing that my biological father didn't want me caused deep wounds that no one could heal. *
As a young child I would sit outside and watch for any cars that I didn't recognize and held onto hope that my dad would come home. When we would go to the store I would study the faces of the men in the store to see if one of those men looked like me or my sisters.
I pushed myself to be my absolute best, almost to a fault. If he did come back then I wanted to make sure I had become someone he was proud of. I held onto the hope of his return until I was 14.
We were all home and my mom received a phone call. When she hung up she came out of her room and sat us down on the couch. They had finally found the man who abandoned us. There was just one problem. He had died. His years of drug and alcohol abuse finally caught up to him.
After my mom told me the news I simply told her, "I don't care. He never loved us." I can still remember how hurt I felt and how I vowed never to be hurt like that again. For years I held onto hope that a man, who abandoned me, would come back for me. I held onto hope that one day I would be worthy of his love, but that day would never come.
The first and only memory of being in the same room as my dad was at his funeral. It wasn't the memory I had been hoping for.
At the time I was too immature to realize it, but that was the moment I started building emotional walls. Brick by brick.
For years the carefree, high energy, goofy girl, who loved everyone was still there, but she just kept everyone at arms length. No one could get too close. The wall was small at first but after 20 years the brick wall had become so high and thick I wasn't able to recognize the person standing in the mirror anymore.
I knew something had to change. I knew I had to break down the walls I had built and I had to let other people in. The only people that could truly get through that wall were my own personal children and my students. I had to stop and ask myself why. The answer is actually pretty simple. I knew how much it hurt as a child to be abandoned by someone that was suppose to love you and care for you. Someone who was suppose to fight for you. I didn't want my own children to ever feel that pain. I vowed they would know how much they were loved. For my students, I wanted them to know if they were experiencing the same pain I felt then they would have me in their corner fighting for them.
This is the first time I am sharing this with many people. For years, the only person that knew about my struggle is my husband. Who bless him, is a saint. He told me for years I had needed to break down my walls and how I needed to start healing my heart. I fought him on it, because for some reason I thought admitting that he was right made me weak. Letting people in made me vulnerable. I didn't want to let go of that control.
About two years ago I started the journey on breaking down these walls. It was difficult at first, and was frankly uncomfortable when someone wanted to talk about "feelings" or give me a hug. Yep, I was one of those people. I had a personal bubble the size of Texas.
I do think it is important to make sure those who are reading understand that just because I had a huge personal bubble didn't mean I wasn't a caring or loving person. I would bend over backwards to help someone. I would give you my last dollar if it meant that it could help you. I love people and I listened to their stories and did whatever I could to help. However, I didn't want these same thoughts and feeling reciprocated. It made me feel weak. It made me feel like the other person had control. For a person who builds up walls, control is a huge reason on why we build them up in the first place. If we are the ones with control then it means we can avoid being hurt.
For two years I worked to let people in. I started taking brick by brick down. Once in a while I had to fight the urge to put a brick back up. After two years I felt like I had made huge progress, but there were still a few people in my life who thought I wasn't personable. I didn't know what to do. I was kind of upset by this because I had been working so hard to tear down my wall, but I realized that I hadn't torn it down completely. I still had a ledge there that I leap over to protect myself when things got tough. I was using it as a safe zone. I had come so far but I knew I still wasn't quite there yet.
What was I missing? I had come so far tearing down the walls I had built but I was still unable to let others in. That's how Kindness180 was born. I have always loved doing kind acts for others, even when my wall was 100ft high and 100ft thick. When I did kind acts for others it was the rare moments that I let myself be vulnerable. I decided for 180 days I was going to do acts of kindness for other people in hopes that it would help me break down the remaining walls.
After a month into kindness180 I started noticing subtle differences in myself that surprised even myself.
I had just completed a kindness180 challenge of smiling at 10 people. I had actually extended this challenge and had been doing it for a couple of weeks. One day I was getting on a plane to Detroit and I locked eyes with someone, smiled, and asked how they were. After I did it I was shocked. I could hardly believe it. For some this may be an easy skilll for you. However for me this used to be very difficult. Before, if I meet someone new I would get nervous, my eyes would go straight to the floor, and I would get out of the situation as fast as I could. No this wasn't because I was shy. That is definitely not a word people would use to describe me. It was because I didn't feel like I was in control. For people who have the habit of building walls this is not a situation we like to be in. The kindness180 challenge was changing even the smallest behaviors that are essential in connecting with other people.
I am 4 months into the Kindness180 challenge. The wall I have built over the last 20 years has become shorter and not quite as thick, but I still have a lot of work to do.
I hope you will join me in the Kindness180 challenge. Your struggle to connect with people may be different than mine. Maybe your struggle isn't even connecting with people. Maybe you just want a way to connect with people or strengthen relationships with those around you. Whatever your reason for doing the challenge, remember the Kindness180 challenge is not about perfection. It is about progress. It is about spreading kindness to those around you, building relationships with others, and even showing kindness to yourself.
You can read more about Kindness180 here.
I hope you will join us in the Kindness180 challenge!
(Oh and those who make fun of Star Wars, we are onto you. We know there is at least one character you can relate with. Stop fighting it and embrace your inner geek. You can do it.)
I have seen every Star Wars movie, and my absolute favorite movie is The Force Awakens. I love seeing Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher on the big screen together again. I also love seeing Chewbacca in the new movie. who is that loyal and brave friend who is straight up cool. Chewy (still Chewbacca for the non Star War fans) doesn't take anything from anyone. He is kind, but will take care of business when needed. #belikechewy
My personal FAVORITE character from Star Wars is Rey from The Force Awakens.
Rey is strong and courageous. She is able to face her fears head on, and she is fierce! She is independent and strong and isn't afraid to do whatever it takes to protect those around her. She is scrappy, tough, and a survivor.
She gives the phrase "fight like a girl" a whole new positive meaning. She isn't the typical damsel in distress. She takes care of business herself. She is able to wield a light saber in her first battle better than her opponent Kylo Ren, who has been training for his entire life.
This girl is a fighter. She does not give up. She had to learn to be tough in order to survive because when she was a little girl she was abandoned by her parents for reason we do not know yet. She held onto hope that her parents would one day come back for her. Throughout the movie we contemplate why her parents abandoned her. Will we find out who her parents are? Will they come back for her? When I watched this movie in the theater the crowd erupted after the very last scene, when Rey hands Luke his lightsaber. Was he her father? Or was it Han Solo?
Each person in the theater had a theory on who her parents were and why she was abandoned. Why do you think this was so important to everyone who watched the movie to know who her parents were?
We all have a strong desire to know where we come from and we yearn to have that strong connection and bond from both of our parents. To fathom a parent would abandon their child for whatever reason is hard for people to understand. They want answers. They want to know why. What caused them to make the decision to leave their children? Whatever the reason, it can cause wounds that are deep and hard to overcome.
As I watched the movie I noticed subtleties that shows how being abandoned by her parents has shaped her as a person.
First, I noticed she has a hard time accepting help from others. When Finn tried to help her escape he grabbed her hand and she immediately jerked it away from him. For most of her life she has had to be self reliant. She feels she can't depend on those around her to take care of her. She has to take of herself.
I also noticed that Rey was a protector for those around her. BB8 was captured and being mistreated and she immediately came to his rescue. This is actually a common trait for many people who have been abandoned. They have felt first hand the fear and pain that comes with rejection and often times do not want others to feel this same pain.
I noticed these subtleties because Rey is me in a lot of ways. At a very young age I as abandoned by my biological father. Just like Rey I waited for him to come back. I held onto hope that one day he would decide that he would want me and my sisters and he would finally come back for us.
* Before I go on I do have to say that I had a wonderful step-dad who loved me like his own. He helped raised me and was a wonderful father. However, knowing that my biological father didn't want me caused deep wounds that no one could heal. *
As a young child I would sit outside and watch for any cars that I didn't recognize and held onto hope that my dad would come home. When we would go to the store I would study the faces of the men in the store to see if one of those men looked like me or my sisters.
I pushed myself to be my absolute best, almost to a fault. If he did come back then I wanted to make sure I had become someone he was proud of. I held onto the hope of his return until I was 14.
We were all home and my mom received a phone call. When she hung up she came out of her room and sat us down on the couch. They had finally found the man who abandoned us. There was just one problem. He had died. His years of drug and alcohol abuse finally caught up to him.
After my mom told me the news I simply told her, "I don't care. He never loved us." I can still remember how hurt I felt and how I vowed never to be hurt like that again. For years I held onto hope that a man, who abandoned me, would come back for me. I held onto hope that one day I would be worthy of his love, but that day would never come.
The first and only memory of being in the same room as my dad was at his funeral. It wasn't the memory I had been hoping for.
At the time I was too immature to realize it, but that was the moment I started building emotional walls. Brick by brick.
For years the carefree, high energy, goofy girl, who loved everyone was still there, but she just kept everyone at arms length. No one could get too close. The wall was small at first but after 20 years the brick wall had become so high and thick I wasn't able to recognize the person standing in the mirror anymore.
I knew something had to change. I knew I had to break down the walls I had built and I had to let other people in. The only people that could truly get through that wall were my own personal children and my students. I had to stop and ask myself why. The answer is actually pretty simple. I knew how much it hurt as a child to be abandoned by someone that was suppose to love you and care for you. Someone who was suppose to fight for you. I didn't want my own children to ever feel that pain. I vowed they would know how much they were loved. For my students, I wanted them to know if they were experiencing the same pain I felt then they would have me in their corner fighting for them.
This is the first time I am sharing this with many people. For years, the only person that knew about my struggle is my husband. Who bless him, is a saint. He told me for years I had needed to break down my walls and how I needed to start healing my heart. I fought him on it, because for some reason I thought admitting that he was right made me weak. Letting people in made me vulnerable. I didn't want to let go of that control.
About two years ago I started the journey on breaking down these walls. It was difficult at first, and was frankly uncomfortable when someone wanted to talk about "feelings" or give me a hug. Yep, I was one of those people. I had a personal bubble the size of Texas.
I do think it is important to make sure those who are reading understand that just because I had a huge personal bubble didn't mean I wasn't a caring or loving person. I would bend over backwards to help someone. I would give you my last dollar if it meant that it could help you. I love people and I listened to their stories and did whatever I could to help. However, I didn't want these same thoughts and feeling reciprocated. It made me feel weak. It made me feel like the other person had control. For a person who builds up walls, control is a huge reason on why we build them up in the first place. If we are the ones with control then it means we can avoid being hurt.
For two years I worked to let people in. I started taking brick by brick down. Once in a while I had to fight the urge to put a brick back up. After two years I felt like I had made huge progress, but there were still a few people in my life who thought I wasn't personable. I didn't know what to do. I was kind of upset by this because I had been working so hard to tear down my wall, but I realized that I hadn't torn it down completely. I still had a ledge there that I leap over to protect myself when things got tough. I was using it as a safe zone. I had come so far but I knew I still wasn't quite there yet.
What was I missing? I had come so far tearing down the walls I had built but I was still unable to let others in. That's how Kindness180 was born. I have always loved doing kind acts for others, even when my wall was 100ft high and 100ft thick. When I did kind acts for others it was the rare moments that I let myself be vulnerable. I decided for 180 days I was going to do acts of kindness for other people in hopes that it would help me break down the remaining walls.
After a month into kindness180 I started noticing subtle differences in myself that surprised even myself.
I had just completed a kindness180 challenge of smiling at 10 people. I had actually extended this challenge and had been doing it for a couple of weeks. One day I was getting on a plane to Detroit and I locked eyes with someone, smiled, and asked how they were. After I did it I was shocked. I could hardly believe it. For some this may be an easy skilll for you. However for me this used to be very difficult. Before, if I meet someone new I would get nervous, my eyes would go straight to the floor, and I would get out of the situation as fast as I could. No this wasn't because I was shy. That is definitely not a word people would use to describe me. It was because I didn't feel like I was in control. For people who have the habit of building walls this is not a situation we like to be in. The kindness180 challenge was changing even the smallest behaviors that are essential in connecting with other people.
I am 4 months into the Kindness180 challenge. The wall I have built over the last 20 years has become shorter and not quite as thick, but I still have a lot of work to do.
I hope you will join me in the Kindness180 challenge. Your struggle to connect with people may be different than mine. Maybe your struggle isn't even connecting with people. Maybe you just want a way to connect with people or strengthen relationships with those around you. Whatever your reason for doing the challenge, remember the Kindness180 challenge is not about perfection. It is about progress. It is about spreading kindness to those around you, building relationships with others, and even showing kindness to yourself.
You can read more about Kindness180 here.
I hope you will join us in the Kindness180 challenge!
It's been a while.... and what I have learned.
During a recent trip, I was returning home from Los Angeles and had to make a connecting flight from Dallas to Amarillo. Our plane was an hour late leaving from Los Angeles to Dallas because they were having issues with another passengers seat belt. I was worried about making my connection because my layover time was already shorter than I would have liked it to be. We land in Dallas and I have 15 minutes to get off the plane, make it to a different terminal, and to board the plane. I sprint from one terminal to the other and of course my gate is at the VERY END of the terminal. Just imagine the scene from Home Alone where the family is running through the airport. jumping over bags, dodging people, and running onto the plane at the very last minute, and you will see what I was doing through the terminal. I finally get to the gate, board the plane and I am so ecstatic that I made it! It meant I was going to make it home on time so I could tuck my babies into bed for the night. I sit down in my seat with a sense of accomplishment and soon we are taking off. We are 5 minutes into the air and I am wishing I had missed the flight. It was by far the worst flight I have ever been on. The turbulence is HORRENDOUS . We are on one of those small American Eagle planes and we are veering up and down and side to side. During the entire flight I am looking at the flight attendants to see their facial expressions. If they are calm then I am calm. If they get worked up, then I will get worked up. The flight attendants seem calm. They are smiling and laughing at each other. If they are smiling and laughing then things must be ok, right? Right.
As soon as I am starting to calm down, the pilot gets on the intercom and says in a nervous tone "I am sorry folks but this turbulence is horrible! We are doing the best we can. We are now going to have to drop altitude which is going to be hard on our fuel."
I immediately start to panic. I am sure we are going to crash. We are going to run out of fuel. If he says it is horrible then it must be really bad. A pilot wouldn't call it horrible if it wasn't truly horrible. He sounded nervous when he was speaking to us. It must be bad! We are going to die!
Ok , I may have been a bit dramatic, but I was looking to him for reassurance. I already knew the turbulence was bad, but why did he have to tell me that? Why did he have to tell me about the fuel? He is suppose to keep us calm. Not worry us more!
I prayed harder than I ever have before. The plane continues to be tossed around. I am looking around and the other passengers have a look of panic on their faces as well. We are finally about to land and as we touch the ground the plane is still being tossed from side to side. It wasn't until I step off the plane that I finally felt safe.
After I recovered from the horrendous flight, it hit me like a ton of bricks, this is exactly what leadership is like. The school is the plane and I am the pilot (or co-pilot since I am an assistant principal). The teachers and students are the passengers. When something rocks our school (like turbulence) the passengers are looking to the pilots for reassurance. If I am frazzled or panicking in front of my teachers than they too are going to be frazzled and panicked. But if I am calm during a difficult situation then they are going to have confidence that things are going to be ok. If our pilot would have come onto the intercom and reassured us and said more comfort-inspiring words then I wouldn't have been so panicked. I would have still known that we were going to go through some bumps along the way, but his reassuring words would have made me feel confident we would get through the turbulence together. The same goes for being a leader at school. Calmness and reassurance go a long way when faced with difficult circumstances.
This past semester our school went through some really tough times. It started the night before my kidney donation surgery and things were still little rocky all the way up to Christmas break. I did my best to stay calm but to be honest I could have been better. It wasn't until the lesson I learned from the that turbulent plane ride, did I truly realize how important it is for the leader to be calm and collected even during the toughest times. Sure, I knew it was important, but until you experience something that rocks your school to it's core, do you realize how important it really truly is.
In order to stay calm and level headed for those you lead, you must take care of YOU!
Leadership is tough. You have to be strong and calm during difficult times. Even if you want to break down, you can't. At least not in front of those who are depending on you to be strong. I have learned how important it is to have an outlet. Something you can do for yourself that will relieve stress. Running does it for me. I used to run all the time, but I stopped when I became an assistant principal. I thought I no longer had the time. Ha! I have now realized that in order to be the best leader possible I need to MAKE the time. I have to have something that can allow me to decompress and for me that is running. Always has been, and always will be.
As tough as leadership is, I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be. I love my students and my teachers and I feel honored and blessed to be their assistant principal. I hope and pray that I can be the leader I need and deserve. I am far beyond perfect but I strive to be better than the day before.
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful New Year. Here is to a new year with new blessings and opportunities. Happy 2018!
As soon as I am starting to calm down, the pilot gets on the intercom and says in a nervous tone "I am sorry folks but this turbulence is horrible! We are doing the best we can. We are now going to have to drop altitude which is going to be hard on our fuel."
I immediately start to panic. I am sure we are going to crash. We are going to run out of fuel. If he says it is horrible then it must be really bad. A pilot wouldn't call it horrible if it wasn't truly horrible. He sounded nervous when he was speaking to us. It must be bad! We are going to die!
Ok , I may have been a bit dramatic, but I was looking to him for reassurance. I already knew the turbulence was bad, but why did he have to tell me that? Why did he have to tell me about the fuel? He is suppose to keep us calm. Not worry us more!
I prayed harder than I ever have before. The plane continues to be tossed around. I am looking around and the other passengers have a look of panic on their faces as well. We are finally about to land and as we touch the ground the plane is still being tossed from side to side. It wasn't until I step off the plane that I finally felt safe.
After I recovered from the horrendous flight, it hit me like a ton of bricks, this is exactly what leadership is like. The school is the plane and I am the pilot (or co-pilot since I am an assistant principal). The teachers and students are the passengers. When something rocks our school (like turbulence) the passengers are looking to the pilots for reassurance. If I am frazzled or panicking in front of my teachers than they too are going to be frazzled and panicked. But if I am calm during a difficult situation then they are going to have confidence that things are going to be ok. If our pilot would have come onto the intercom and reassured us and said more comfort-inspiring words then I wouldn't have been so panicked. I would have still known that we were going to go through some bumps along the way, but his reassuring words would have made me feel confident we would get through the turbulence together. The same goes for being a leader at school. Calmness and reassurance go a long way when faced with difficult circumstances.
This past semester our school went through some really tough times. It started the night before my kidney donation surgery and things were still little rocky all the way up to Christmas break. I did my best to stay calm but to be honest I could have been better. It wasn't until the lesson I learned from the that turbulent plane ride, did I truly realize how important it is for the leader to be calm and collected even during the toughest times. Sure, I knew it was important, but until you experience something that rocks your school to it's core, do you realize how important it really truly is.
In order to stay calm and level headed for those you lead, you must take care of YOU!
Leadership is tough. You have to be strong and calm during difficult times. Even if you want to break down, you can't. At least not in front of those who are depending on you to be strong. I have learned how important it is to have an outlet. Something you can do for yourself that will relieve stress. Running does it for me. I used to run all the time, but I stopped when I became an assistant principal. I thought I no longer had the time. Ha! I have now realized that in order to be the best leader possible I need to MAKE the time. I have to have something that can allow me to decompress and for me that is running. Always has been, and always will be.
As tough as leadership is, I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be. I love my students and my teachers and I feel honored and blessed to be their assistant principal. I hope and pray that I can be the leader I need and deserve. I am far beyond perfect but I strive to be better than the day before.
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful New Year. Here is to a new year with new blessings and opportunities. Happy 2018!
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